Invisible

Are you like me and wear several different 'masks' throughout the day? I have a couple. At home the mask comes off. At work I put on the 'mask' of nothing is wrong with me, I am doing ok, putting my brave foot forward. In public I wear the same 'mask' I try to hide my pain, my exhaustion, my tears, and just smile. At the doctors offices I put my 'fear nothing' mask on and pretend my situation isn't really that bad. This month has been a hard one for me. At work I pretend everything is fine because its a place I can 'escape' and keep busy by working, I don't have to think about anything but work. My depression really started up again towards the end of summer. I had all these hopes that I would get better this summer with doing water aerobics almost daily instead it did the exact opposite. I was in more pain and more exhausted. I was left with disappointment. I have been dealing with a lot of frustration towards doctors and myself. I am so

Today is the last day of summer vacation before heading back to work tomorrow. As I reflect on my summer I had times of good and bad. It was not what I was dreaming it would be, but because of that, I have learned to be more realistic. I had really big goals and dreams this summer that I thought I would accomplish but I didn't. I get upset and sad but I pick myself up because that is just the way it is right now. I remember talking to one of my co-workers around Christmas about how my goal for this school year (2017-2018) was to come back to school walking and I thought if I have to use the walker, oh well at least I will be walking. I remember she looked at me and said something along of the lines of if your body isn't ready for walking by then that is okay. No one here is expecting you to walk you do what your body needs. I was so stubborn because I thought there is no way I can still be like this next year but when she said those words to me it meant a lot. I had support and

*This is another one of those blogs that I am not directing at any one person.  I don't want anyone feeling bad if they have said this instead, I want it to raise awareness.* Would you enjoy being told at least once a week, sometimes even multiple times a day that you aren't managing your illness right? No, I don't enjoy it either. I wish I could say I was exaggerating when I say this but I am not.  I get told almost daily, sometimes even more than once a day, that I am not doing everything I can to make me feel better, or I am not doing something correctly. It's exhausting to hear that over and over when people have absolutely no idea about my health. It might be different if it was only mentioned a couple times a year but I get told about things I am not doing right way too much. You probably know a little bit about my health but you are not with me {unless you're my mom or sister :)} at every appointment listening to what the doctors tell me. I have tried some

**Before you read this post I want you to know if you have said this to me it's okay. This post is in no way directed at anyone I am just trying to raise awareness and this will probably be one of the longer posts because it's so important to me** This post is very important to me and something people with invisible illness struggle with daily. You hear it way too many times "but you don't look sick at all". That's why many auto-immune diseases and things like fibromyalgia are nicknamed 'invisible illness' because you don't look sick. The most interesting thing to me is that no doctor has ever told me, "but you don't look sick." Why? Because they know that I am sick on the inside, they deal with these patients daily and there is so much more research now on these type of diseases. I get told by many people that I don't look sick. It is not a good thing to say to someone who has these illnesses. Yes, everyone loves a compliment f